13 February, 2008

Cleaning Up

A friend said she thought it was a waste of time and money for Congress to interview Roger Clemens or to bother with the steroids issue at all. I could not not disagree more strongly.

We have been asleep for way too long. The time to awaken is now. We must free our national past-time from the clutches of this horrible, life consuming beast. Perhaps, we have already crossed the line and there is no return. However, our duty to the future demands that we rise, now, as one; stand up and proudly declare our message. Sing it from the roof tops, shout it in the streets. "Get Bud Selig and Major League Baseball out of steroids, NOW!"

We Americans love our drugs, we are all about drugs. We wake up to drugs, we wake up with drugs. We stay awake with drugs, we take drugs to help us sleep. Most of our citizens over 50 have a small basket somewhere in their kitchen, overflowing with prescription bottles. Some of them have their children come over and sort through all the bottles, carefully placing a pill from each into a special container with seven small compartments marked Monday through Sunday.

During the work day, we gulp down Guarana, Ginseng and Mountain Dew to stay awake while we day-dream of "Happy Hour". The whistle sounds and we race to the nearest drug dealer, to down a few frosty ones, or maybe a shot or two, while we wait out rush hour traffic. Once home we have dinner, maybe a little soomething afterwards to soothe us from a tough day, and then; any number of pills are jumping off the shelf and over the counter, begging to help us sleep.

Our seniors are on various drugs, our adults are gobbling down prescriptions like candy and the kids all have ADD, which, of course is treatable with prescriptions. Better living through chemistry, the American way. Hell, even our fast food is more chemical than food.

Steroids? Their user pool may be relatively small compared to our entire population, but we must remain vigilant and not allow a soul-sucking, ugly intruder like Major League Baseball to obtain a beachhead in one of our communities. We are striving for a brighter tomorrow, one where chemistry unites us in our daily quest to better ourselves. There is no place for Bud Selig, and what's left of the formerly wonderful sport he inherited, in our progressive, evolved future. We must be strong and kick Major League Baseball out of steroids, lest we risk infecting our entire Vyoxx Americana.
Our Mirapex Destiny demands our sentry.


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